Think you're tough? This is how to train for the GNAR
Forget about actually going to the mountains to get better at climbing. If you want to get ready for alpine season, look to unaccredited, highly experimental alpine fitness guru Gregor Gnar for help.
Gregor is notorious for neglecting reality. But what he’s really really REAL about is training. Tough. Outdoor climbing-specific training regimens are good in theory, but it can be hard to get into situations so gnarly that you are truly pushing yourself. To maximize the gnar authenticity, Gregor exclusively works out while adjacent to, holding or thinking really hard about actual climbing gear.
Want to learn more about his groundbreaking approach? Go ahead. Jump on the Gnar Train.*
Bonus Tips For Getting Super-Duper Gnar
1. Grow a fluffy mullet to channel the Euro-alpine climbing style of yesteryear. You might not have their footwork or mountain sense, but you can co-opt their style.
2. Do 400 push-ups before heading into the gym in order to ‘pump’ upper body.
3. Select an overly-impressive objective to mention to any curious passers by.
4. Limit stretching, potassium and water to simulate constant and severe muscle cramps.
5. Breathe loudly and deeply at all times in order to let people know you're really—really intense.
*As it turns out, no climbing needs to be done to say you’re training for climbing.