Dating in a mountain town is like trying to pick up somebody at your family reunion. Itโs possible, but man can it get messy in a hurry. Thatโs not to say you shouldnโt giveโr, though. As a bro looking for a brah to join you in the gnar, you need to be craftyโand youโve got be prepared to stand out from the crowd. Here's how. The Baseline Necessities Before you can even talk to a mountain town gal, youโd better look the look. You donโt have to actually shredโyou just have to look like it. Ever heard of โfake it till you make it?โ You wonโt find a date if you look like the antagonist from a John Hughes movie. Start growing a saggy man bun, a mustache, and patchy shadow beard. Trim them to look like they have not been trimmed. Place Duct Tape patches on your puffy jacket. Holes and tears underneath them are not necessary, but the bro badges of Duct Tape are. Snag the local burger joint softball team hoodie with paint stains on it from the neighborhood thrift store. Do not go to a consignment shop. Consignment is French for โexpensive clothes we took from your grandpaโs closet.โ Smash a trucker hat in a dirt patch so it looks weathered. Ornament the bill with angler flies and be ready to quote โA River Runs Through It.โ The movie not the book, obviously. Tie prayer flags to everything you own, especially your vehicle. Your truckโs tailgate should look like the handlebars on a little girlโs bike. Streamers, dude, streamers. Purchase a late 90s to early 00s Outback, Forester, or Tacoma. The more beat up the better. Remember, rust is car lipstick and dents are adorable dimples. Youโll get extra bro points for sleeping in the back of your rig on a DIY platform or a paco pad. In the mountains, sleeping in your car means youโre a hardcore badass. Outside the mountains, youโre just homeless. Only Talk About Yourself She already knows what sheโs done, so donโt waste time trying with questions like โHow are you?โ or โWhat do you like to do?โ or โWhere did you grow up?โ Boring! How is she going to know that youโre the best skier-mountain biker-boater-fisherman-climber-super extreme awesome man-dude bro in town unless you tell her how radical you get? So, tell her and tell her often. What she lacks in knowledge of your personal bro-chievements, you should make up for in the repetition of your epic adventure stories.ย Hit The Apre-Heeeeey Scene Once the lifts stop turninโ, cruise for shredajaweas at the aprรจs scene. Almost all of your flirting should be done at the Locals Only watering hole. I mean, itโs not like youโre gong to take her to dinner. This isnโt the 1950s. Make sure to flip the switch on your Scarpas from ski mode to โPuttinโ Out the Vibeโ mode, first. Saunter into the bar and look for the ladies with loosely braided side ponies still wearing their ski boots. If one still has her beacon on, donโt let her go. In fact, marry that epic mountain-lady badass on the spot. Note: Ripper lady bros wear the exact same uniform as the bro bros. How to spot a true ripper at the bar? Authenticity often smells like b.o., so secretly give her puffy a sniff. If it smells like French onion soup, sheโs a keeper. Cheers pints and split a basket of loaded fries. In a ski town, this is equivalent to 7 dates. So, she should pay. Master The Art Of Mountain Town Chatter To catch the attention of a shred queen, you must first bend her ear with the ski bum vernacular, Bro-ese. Intonation, dialect, and delivery should be a mix of Keanu Reevesโ Agent Johnny Utah from โPoint Break,โ Keanu Reevesโ Ted Theodore Logan from โBill and Tedโsโ, and Keanu Reevesโ cameo in Paula Abdulsโ โRush Rushโ music video, where he utters not a word because his hair does all the talkinโ. A simple upward nod of the head and aโSuh?โwill suffice as an icebreaker. Follow that by asking if sheโs seen the latest ski vid, โEpic Pro Bro Skiing Epic Shit In Epic Location 12,โ and proceed to only talk about skiing. Current events, books, art, and other such nonsense are for dweebs. If by some miracle she is new to town, fight your way through the sea of bros surrounding her like great whites, and offer to buy her a drink. This seemingly insignificant gesture will surely not have dawned on any of the dudes currently courting her and, thus, you will have pulled ahead of the pack. Immediately start to talk to her about skiingโyour skiingโthe only skiing that matters.ย ย Now, go out there and find the dudette to your dude. Remember, itโs a ski town; the odds arenโt good but at least the goods are odd.
